3 Step Guide To Boosting Your Confidence

It seems people now are becoming increasingly obsessed with one thing. Image.

I hate to be the one who stereotypes an entire population with the same label, and I do realise that not every person in this world gives a damn about what they look like through the eyes of another. However, it's hard for the notion not to be somewhere near the front of your mind when everything around you is shoving it down your throat. Whether it's body image, personality image or professional image, advertising on T.V, the internet, magazines, in shops or on the streets exploits our
need to be accepted by others. When we're having a conversation with someone, the chances are at some point, someone is going to say something relating to how they looked in front of others. When you're walking down the street and someone looks at you a moment longer than is strictly necessary, self-conscious by nature or not, you will probably consider what that person might have been thinking.
Perhaps this need to be accepted is ingrained in our DNA, or maybe learned as children or picked up during those awkward teenage years, either way, having it as a constant priority in our lives can lead to a whole multitude of problems. Don't get me wrong, it's healthy to have a regard for other people's feelings - running around your town butt-naked and singing through a megaphone because you felt like it really wouldn't go down well with the neighbours. But we also have to care about our own feelings. To lead a balanced happy life we have to have some consideration for who we really are regardless of how we perceive other people's beliefs. We have to remember that everyone else is entitled to their own opinion of you, just like we're entitled to our opinion of them. If the opinion they have is negative, that's their problem, not yours.


So here we arrive at that little issue of confidence. It takes a lot of this in yourself to live an independent life from other people's ideals. Some of you may be reading this and thinking, what on earth is she talking about?! I'm fine! And indeed you are. Others, however, are bobbing their heads up and down at their screens like demented nodding dogs, wondering why I'm not at the step-by-step boost-your-confidence-in-minutes bit yet. Patience.

I was once told that behind every behaviour we have there is a positive intention. And it doesn't matter how negative and unwanted that behaviour may be, it always originally existed to serve you in some positive way. I know right...the disbelieving twitch of an eyebrow and slight eye roll was my reaction too. But then I started thinking.

A fear of heights? Well that one's obvious...being afraid of heights keeps you from putting yourself in danger and therefore keeps you safe and happy.
An incessant habit of avoiding eye contact with people...? Perhaps the avoidance is of confrontation, and avoiding confrontation means you never have to be embarrassed or hurt by another person's words, especially not in front of others, and ultimately this keeps you safe and happy.
A lack of motivation to do a task at work you normally do very well? A lack of motivation keeps you from doing the task and so keeps you from having to perform to your own, and others', expectations. By refusing to live up to expectations, you can never disappoint, and avoiding that feeling of disappointment keeps you safe and happy. Or at least that's the logic your subconscious mind follows.

Okay, so there might be something to it! But, coming back to what we were talking about, why do some of us have a lack of confidence? Well, we are all completely individual with our own unique reasoning behind everything we do, but based on the little piece of logic above it won't be long before you're realising for yourself why your behaviours and habits linger, however unwanted!
Me and my wavering confidence? It wasn't long before I realised either. For as long as I can remember, there have always been two types of people. The humble, modest and shy. And the slick, bolshy and confident. I don't necessarily mean in real life but, back to what I was saying earlier, I've always found TV, magazines, books, advertising and the internet all seem to categorise people one way or another. And for me, the message that always came across was to reject the egotistical, arrogant, big-headed and narcissistic of society...nobody likes them anyway! And to always favour the underdog; the one who doesn't know she's beautiful, the one who doesn't know he's smart...

And so, with this fear of over-confidence instilled, my clever little subconscious mind holds the whole of me in check for the rest of my life. Whenever something nice is said, whenever I feel like I may be able to accomplish something, whenever I consider something good might have happened, a little voice pops up and promptly snubs out whatever was there. Because, after all, being confident would only make me unhappy!!

But wait! I'm not actually happy as an un-confident person...so why am I letting this small unwanted behaviour control me?
What would happen if that woman from before knew she was beautiful? She's not a nasty person so why would knowing she's pretty suddenly make her so? I'll tell you what would happen...she'd walk with a spring in her step and believe that maybe, just maybe, a lot more in her life was possible - not because of her looks, but because of her new frame of mind.

What about the guy who doesn't know he's smart? If he knew, he wouldn't suddenly become an egotistical know-it-all, that wasn't in his nature before so why would it be now! He'll believe in himself enough to apply for the job he'd been so sure he wouldn't get, and he'd absolutely rock the interview for it! All because his head was in a good, confident place.



So actually, contrary to popular culture and the resulting beliefs in my mind, it is possible to be confident in yourself and not egotistical, narcissistic, arrogant or big-headed!
And, on that note, here's my 3 step guide to Confidence in Minutes:


1. Figure Out Your Reason

There's a reason your brain won't let you leave the house with a strut in your walk, go for the promotion you want, or get a new look...figure out what it is!



2. Do Something About It

No matter what the reasoning, something can always be done! Sometimes just realising why you're not as confident as you could be is enough to change your mindset. And sometimes you've just got to play around with some rational thinking. Never underestimate talking out loud either...the monsters floating around in your head can become fluffy little kittens the minute they leave your mouth!



3. Get Out There

Do something you never thought you could or would do...anything (within reason, people!) and make sure you put your all into it. It could be as small as buying a new suit or going for a run, but do something that makes you realise just how amazing you really can be...

Then do whatever it is you haven't had the confidence to do yet: getting the new job... moving to Australia... trekking across the South Pole... writing your first novel... opening another chain of your already worldwide store... building your family home... getting a dog... getting a goldfish... Because you can, and the only thing stopping you is YOU!



Valuing other people's ideals over your own can only ever give you low self-belief. It's like everyone working for Galaxy believing Cadbury's chocolate is so much better - the company would fall to pieces! So show a little compassion and respect for yourself and your beliefs and see where it gets you...

(couldn't resist a chocolate comparison!!)

~ If you can imagine it, you can do it. It's as simple as that. ~

www.personalbesthypnotherapy.co.uk

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