3 Step Guide To Boosting Your Confidence

It seems people now are becoming increasingly obsessed with one thing. Image.

I hate to be the one who stereotypes an entire population with the same label, and I do realise that not every person in this world gives a damn about what they look like through the eyes of another. However, it's hard for the notion not to be somewhere near the front of your mind when everything around you is shoving it down your throat. Whether it's body image, personality image or professional image, advertising on T.V, the internet, magazines, in shops or on the streets exploits our
need to be accepted by others. When we're having a conversation with someone, the chances are at some point, someone is going to say something relating to how they looked in front of others. When you're walking down the street and someone looks at you a moment longer than is strictly necessary, self-conscious by nature or not, you will probably consider what that person might have been thinking.
Perhaps this need to be accepted is ingrained in our DNA, or maybe learned as children or picked up during those awkward teenage years, either way, having it as a constant priority in our lives can lead to a whole multitude of problems. Don't get me wrong, it's healthy to have a regard for other people's feelings - running around your town butt-naked and singing through a megaphone because you felt like it really wouldn't go down well with the neighbours. But we also have to care about our own feelings. To lead a balanced happy life we have to have some consideration for who we really are regardless of how we perceive other people's beliefs. We have to remember that everyone else is entitled to their own opinion of you, just like we're entitled to our opinion of them. If the opinion they have is negative, that's their problem, not yours.


So here we arrive at that little issue of confidence. It takes a lot of this in yourself to live an independent life from other people's ideals. Some of you may be reading this and thinking, what on earth is she talking about?! I'm fine! And indeed you are. Others, however, are bobbing their heads up and down at their screens like demented nodding dogs, wondering why I'm not at the step-by-step boost-your-confidence-in-minutes bit yet. Patience.

I was once told that behind every behaviour we have there is a positive intention. And it doesn't matter how negative and unwanted that behaviour may be, it always originally existed to serve you in some positive way. I know right...the disbelieving twitch of an eyebrow and slight eye roll was my reaction too. But then I started thinking.

A fear of heights? Well that one's obvious...being afraid of heights keeps you from putting yourself in danger and therefore keeps you safe and happy.
An incessant habit of avoiding eye contact with people...? Perhaps the avoidance is of confrontation, and avoiding confrontation means you never have to be embarrassed or hurt by another person's words, especially not in front of others, and ultimately this keeps you safe and happy.
A lack of motivation to do a task at work you normally do very well? A lack of motivation keeps you from doing the task and so keeps you from having to perform to your own, and others', expectations. By refusing to live up to expectations, you can never disappoint, and avoiding that feeling of disappointment keeps you safe and happy. Or at least that's the logic your subconscious mind follows.

Okay, so there might be something to it! But, coming back to what we were talking about, why do some of us have a lack of confidence? Well, we are all completely individual with our own unique reasoning behind everything we do, but based on the little piece of logic above it won't be long before you're realising for yourself why your behaviours and habits linger, however unwanted!
Me and my wavering confidence? It wasn't long before I realised either. For as long as I can remember, there have always been two types of people. The humble, modest and shy. And the slick, bolshy and confident. I don't necessarily mean in real life but, back to what I was saying earlier, I've always found TV, magazines, books, advertising and the internet all seem to categorise people one way or another. And for me, the message that always came across was to reject the egotistical, arrogant, big-headed and narcissistic of society...nobody likes them anyway! And to always favour the underdog; the one who doesn't know she's beautiful, the one who doesn't know he's smart...

And so, with this fear of over-confidence instilled, my clever little subconscious mind holds the whole of me in check for the rest of my life. Whenever something nice is said, whenever I feel like I may be able to accomplish something, whenever I consider something good might have happened, a little voice pops up and promptly snubs out whatever was there. Because, after all, being confident would only make me unhappy!!

But wait! I'm not actually happy as an un-confident person...so why am I letting this small unwanted behaviour control me?
What would happen if that woman from before knew she was beautiful? She's not a nasty person so why would knowing she's pretty suddenly make her so? I'll tell you what would happen...she'd walk with a spring in her step and believe that maybe, just maybe, a lot more in her life was possible - not because of her looks, but because of her new frame of mind.

What about the guy who doesn't know he's smart? If he knew, he wouldn't suddenly become an egotistical know-it-all, that wasn't in his nature before so why would it be now! He'll believe in himself enough to apply for the job he'd been so sure he wouldn't get, and he'd absolutely rock the interview for it! All because his head was in a good, confident place.



So actually, contrary to popular culture and the resulting beliefs in my mind, it is possible to be confident in yourself and not egotistical, narcissistic, arrogant or big-headed!
And, on that note, here's my 3 step guide to Confidence in Minutes:


1. Figure Out Your Reason

There's a reason your brain won't let you leave the house with a strut in your walk, go for the promotion you want, or get a new look...figure out what it is!



2. Do Something About It

No matter what the reasoning, something can always be done! Sometimes just realising why you're not as confident as you could be is enough to change your mindset. And sometimes you've just got to play around with some rational thinking. Never underestimate talking out loud either...the monsters floating around in your head can become fluffy little kittens the minute they leave your mouth!



3. Get Out There

Do something you never thought you could or would do...anything (within reason, people!) and make sure you put your all into it. It could be as small as buying a new suit or going for a run, but do something that makes you realise just how amazing you really can be...

Then do whatever it is you haven't had the confidence to do yet: getting the new job... moving to Australia... trekking across the South Pole... writing your first novel... opening another chain of your already worldwide store... building your family home... getting a dog... getting a goldfish... Because you can, and the only thing stopping you is YOU!



Valuing other people's ideals over your own can only ever give you low self-belief. It's like everyone working for Galaxy believing Cadbury's chocolate is so much better - the company would fall to pieces! So show a little compassion and respect for yourself and your beliefs and see where it gets you...

(couldn't resist a chocolate comparison!!)

~ If you can imagine it, you can do it. It's as simple as that. ~

www.personalbesthypnotherapy.co.uk

*Images do not belong to Personal Best (c).

E-Cigarettes, Good or Bad?

E-cigarettes. They're a phenomenon that seems to have gripped our nation in their strangely 'health advocating', yet still toxic grasp. Now, before you write this off as a patronising lecture on why we should all live a pure and organic lifestyle, living only on the roots of a bamboo cane and drinking water sourced from a glacier in the north pole (no, I don't know of that's possible or not), I will stop you right there. Life happens. Addictions happen. I genuinely - genuinely - want to know if and how healthy these e-cigarettes might be for smokers and am perfectly happy to concede, should the need arise, that they may be a good thing for this generation, given the alternative. With new legislation in place to make e-cigarettes an official aid to stop smoking in 2016, I think there are a few questions we all want to know.

Firstly, do they actually help you quit?
Do they cause more or less harm than a normal cigarette?
Are they as addictive?
When should someone think about using them?

These are all questions any smoker thinking of giving up will have asked. Even those with no intention of giving up have asked, simply because they think it might be an easy alternative to a decision they would otherwise not have they willpower to make. As a hypnotherapist, and with the natural inclination to help people in their battle to drop unwanted habits, I have asked these questions myself. Not least to Google, it has to be said.
So, between therapists, sales reps, smokers and Google, here's what I found.

For anyone still unclear on exactly what an electronic cigarette is, there are three types: the ultimate no fuss, disposable one. The rechargeable, slot in the pre-filled cartridge and puff away one. And lastly, the rechargeable, fill-my-tank-up-with-liquid-nicotine-yourself one.
Basically, air being drawn through the cigarette sets off the little sensor inside which heats up the liquid nicotine mix which then evaporates creating a nicotine vapour to be inhaled.

So, this brings me to my first question. Do they help you quit?
If you are addicted to smoking, and not relying on it as a comfortable habit you can't quite bring yourself to break, then your body is craving the nicotine you receive every time you light up. Without getting too technical, the amount of nicotine in a cigarette affects the brain more than the body as it is said to have more of an 'affinity' with certain receptors there. At higher doses it can cause respiratory and muscular difficulties in the human body however. Anyway, because it affects these receptors in
the brain, it sort of 'turns up' the volume on some of the chemicals. One of these chemicals being dopamine. And, as this is one of the main chemicals that creates that nice relaxed, stress-less feeling you get when you smoke a cigarette, and because your body has a natural desire to feel good in any way it can, it craves this mental state more than anything once it has worn off.
Electronic cigarettes contain the same amount of nicotine, sometimes even more, than normal cigarettes which begs the question, why are they being used as an aid to quit the addiction of smoking when they are quite obviously just as addictive?


Professor Michael Russell once wrote “People smoke for nicotine but they die from the tar.” (1)

So, as you puff away on an electronic stick rather than a roll of paper, you can at least take a little comfort from the fact you are not lining your lungs with thick black stodge which will, inevitably, wreak havoc with you body. And I think it's fair to say this is the reason the NHS have considered e-cigarettes for regulation in 2016 - they will help smokers be physically healthier. Less tumours, less lung problems, less disease in general.
If, like me, you wonder if the harmful long-term physical effects really are caused only by the 'tar' and not, in some small way, by the nicotine, let me share with you an abstract from a paper written some time ago:

"Nicotine is the substance giving the subjective pleasure of smoking as well as inducing addiction. For the first time we report the effect on the rat of long-term (two years) inhalation of nicotine. The rats breathed in a chamber with nicotine at a concentration giving twice the plasma concentration found in heavy smokers. Nicotine was given for 20 h a day, five days a week during a two-year period. We could not find any increase in mortality, in atherosclerosis or frequency of tumors in these rats compared with controls. Particularly, there was no microscopic or macroscopic lung tumors nor any increase in pulmonary neuroendocrine cells. Throughout the study, however, the body weight of the nicotine exposed rats was reduced as compared with controls. In conclusion, our study does not indicate any harmful effect of nicotine when given in its pure form by inhalation." (2)

To some extent, this makes me lean towards e-cigarettes as a useful option for those looking to quit, but it also pushes me to a conclusion I think is useful to keep in mind if you are considering e-cigarette conversion. Your resilience to stop the habit of picking up a cigarette (electronic or real) must still be strong, and you must continue to build upon it even if you switch to e-cigarettes. E-cigarettes are not going to help you stop being addicted to nicotine. The only major benefit, as far as I can see, is they do not contain the tobacco. Your addiction still exists, your lifestyle still exists, exactly as it did when you smoked real cigarettes. It is up to you, and you alone, to stop altogether. A fancy electronic stick is not going to do it for you.

And this brings me to my last question: when should someone think about using them?
E-cigarettes have been proven to be 'healthier' than real cigarettes, but not 'healthy'. I have heard of smokers moving to electronic cigarettes, only to be back smoking the real thing as well as the e-cigs a few weeks later. This is quite simply foolish, and if you think you would be in danger of doing this, I would not recommend converting.

I feel a move to e-cigarettes should be done so with a plan to quit for good in the not-too distant future. It should therefore also be accompanied by as many healthy methods of quitting as you can muster - from therapies, to yoga, to new exercise regimes, even launching yourself into new projects at work or in the community.
A habit such as smoking is part of your lifestyle. If you want rid of the habit, you should change your lifestyle to accommodate it. And remember, you always always always have the control of your mind (it might not feel like it sometimes, but trust me on this one) and with this control it is possible to do just about anything. And that most definitely includes quitting smoking.

Now, I've hardly touched on the current/future regulation of electronic cigarettes, but I do feel it is quite important to keep an eye on so here is a useful link to a recent article I found:
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/27/business/international/world-health-organization-urges-stronger-regulation-of-electronic-cigarettes.html?_r=0

Shauney Watson
Dip.Hyp
www.personalbesthypnotherapy.co.uk

Or go straight to the quit smoking page here...


(1) Russell M. Low-tar medium-nicotine cigarettes: a new approach to safer smoking. British Medical Journal, 1976
(2) Long-term effects of inhaled nicotine.

Waldum HL¹, Nilsen OG, Nilsen T, Rørvik H, Syversen V, Sanvik AK, Haugen OA, Torp SH, Brenna E.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8614291

Photograph 1 by Sean Gallup/Getty Images
Photograph 2 from http://www.smoke-free-at-last.com/lib/how-nicotine-affects-your-brain-and-why-you-should-be-worried/
Photograph 3 from http://www.artofliving.org/in-en/yoga/health-and-wellness/overcome-smoking-with-yoga

Sporting A Whole Host Of Demons

By Shauney Watson

Sport is a funny thing. It's something you only really get  if you do it, and even then it's not easy to understand. Why do we do it? For money? Rarely. For fame? About 95% of us will agree that's never gonna happen. What about for the love? Well, even then we all go through the patches of being frustrated at not 'getting it right', or wondering why we endure the hours of pain when we get very, very little back.

I'll tell you what we do it for: we do it for validation. If we can just beat that one opponent, hit that bullseye, ride that perfect course, we would be doing something worthwhile; making ourselves worthwhile. We would have put in the work and reaped a reward. Put something in, get something out - it's fair and square, and makes sense. We need validation that reliability does exist because it can be hard to believe sometimes, as I'm sure you'll agree. And being successful also makes us valid in this world, so when we are given the chance to feel some of this success through sport, we jump at it. How many times have you put in the hard work at your job and received no recognition? Paid the bills, washed the clothes, cooked the meals and received no thanks? Done a job and not been paid by your client? Are you catching my drift here?

Now, don't get me wrong, when I say 'success' I don't necessarily mean gold cups and sashes. We all measure success differently. Some, I'm sure, would say having a rock solid body from the hours of rowing they put in is success enough for them. Others, just the endorphin kick from a hundred reps on the weights at the end of a long day. What I'm saying here is that success for you is just the thing you count as the pay-off.

The problems come when we start putting in the work but not reaping the reward, because then what's the point? And, more often than not, this problem is caused by that demon lurking at the back of our mind, screwing up the way we think, behave and perform.This demon can be anything from not feeling like you've got the abilities, to not having had any praise as a child, to a mental block regarding some aspect of your sport e.g. a certain opponent. Actually, for some of us there's a whole team of the little s***s back there, and they gradually ruin what is supposed to be our sport, our validation, our me time. The problem is further exacerbated by the fact we will often do anything in our power to pretend they aren't there, going out of our way to avoid the issue and battle on regardless. Unfortunately sport is something you learn to be resilient, determined and wilful through, so we usually have the lasting mindset of 'why wouldn't a bit of willpower work for this?'. I'll tell you why: willpower is exhaustible and, though it works when fighting for something positive (one last push on the track, five more lengths of the pool) , it doesn't work when fighting off something negative. The negativity always wins out.

You've got to get right back there, to the back of your mind, and find the perpetrators that are causing all your troubles. Once you've found them, you've got to face them head on, quash them, then replace them with something positive and useful before you can get back to doing what you enjoyed doing in the first place. Your sport.

Written out here, it sounds easy. But, to be honest, it can be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, depending on how long those demons have been there and how deeply rooted they are. This is where hypnotherapy can help. Someone with the know-how and the expertise can guide you through every step of the above 'demon-clearing-exercise' and help get you back to performing at your best, sometimes even a whole lot better. It's not magic, trickery or showmanship, nor is it someone taking control of your mind. No one other than you can do that.  It is simply the best damn way to recover or improve your performance without a single gadget or drug.

Visit the Personal Best Hypnotherapy Sports Page for more information.

Pictures: Kynard (cjonline.com); Tyson and Holyfield (versedonline.com); Al-Malki (bbc.co.uk); man lifting weight (gettyimages.com); Ballack (spox.com)